Heading Into Week Two...

and still feeling strong and it's kind of freaking me out....I mean, I feel really strong and good and not like I want to cheat at all...not that you can really "cheat" on WW, which is partially why I like it so much. But weird things like I ate out 3 times this last week and at each meal, someone at the table had French Fries and I didn't eat one...I did split cheesecake with a friend on Saturday, but it didn't completely derail me and that is weird for me....I've seriously cut back on my Diet Coke intake and upped my water and I'm not missing it...someone look for a pod...

It freaks me out though because I know I could wake up tomorrow and say "screw it I'm eating Hostess mini Powdered Sugar donuts for breakfast"...thankfully, we don't have any in the house, but you get my drift. I've never been able to sustain weight loss and even though I'm so early in this new journey, I know what my history is like and it scares me. I feel really good - I've already made it through the first few days where I get a headache from cutting back my sugar. I've gotten over that bloat-y feeling I tend to get when I first start eating more fiber and I'm in the "sweet spot" where I feel pretty great about everything. So how do I maintain this? I realize that I am no Pollyanna and I will hit a wall eventually so what happens then? I think I'm trying to prepare myself mentally that it will come and I'll have to face it then. I'm really trying to take it one meal at a time, one day at a time and realize that this is a slow and steady marathon not a sprint. I'm focusing mostly though on the fact that today, I feel good and strong and that is wonderful!

Chicken With Wild Rice Soup - Recipe

Okay, I found a great website with WW approved recipes - it is http://www.skinnytaste.com/ - and it has a lot of recipes that look amazing!

Today, I made the Chicken w/Wild Rice soup - which is one of my all time favorite soups...here's the link http://www.skinnytaste.com/2011/01/chicken-shiitake-and-wild-rice-soup.html

It was an incredibly easy recipe and it turned out great! I accidentally thawed too many chicken thighs, so I used 6 instead of 4 and I used a smidge more light sour cream than she calls for so I adjusted the points to 8 per serving (I used the Recipe Builder feature on WW's website which is amazing...). Anyway, I'm sure I will be making this soup again - and, I thought it was a great idea to make it on Sunday afternoon and then container it up for lunches this week or to freeze....love it!

More Eating Out....

I went to a movie and Cheesecake Factory today for my daughter's birthday and I did pretty well. I made choices that I think a "normal" person would make and that I would like to be able to make most of the time...We went to the movie first, and normally I would order a medium or large popcorn with butter and eat a good portion of it myself. Today, I refrained from any popcorn, knowing that we were also going to lunch afterwards.

Then, Cheesecake Factory has a "Skinnylicious" menu and it's really a great option - other than the fact that I had to estimate points because they don't have a detailed enough nutritional guide to figure the points accurately. So, they had my favorite Chicken Salad Sandwich on the Skinny menu - it is just a little smaller and the salad has lo-fat dressing on it. It was wonderful and around 500 calories, which isn't bad for eating out - I ate all my salad and left the crusts on my sandwiches, so my calories were probably a little less. Then, I shared a piece of cheesecake instead of having a whole one myself which cuts back on calories a lot...

I think the biggest thing for me to learn is that you can have a fun or "cheat" meal and not have it completely derail everything...that is my goal at least. It doesn't have to be a big deal and you have extra weekly WW points for a reason...I'm still really feeling great about things and that is amazing...

First Weigh-in Down....

I'm very happy this morning I was down 7.6 lbs to 257.4 this morning! Very good news - I realized that it is my first week and that this is not what normal will be like, but it's good nonetheless.

We had a great birthday dinner with my daughter last night - my planned order at Red Robin went perfectly and I was completely satisfied...I didn't even eat any of the free fries that the server brought us....I realized that tomorrow I could be face first in a Peppermint Patty cupcake from Cupcake Royale - but, for today, I feel good and strong....

Three Down...a Bunch to Go...

Still going strong...three days down - a lifetime to go. I think that's one of the hardest things to wrap my mind around. I will always be someone who struggles with my weight. Even when I lose 125 lbs, it will be a challenge (I almost wrote "constant struggle" but that sounds sad) to keep weight off. Making lasting lifestyle changes is the most important thing, and I know that, but I think it will always be a challenge. People who have lost large amounts of weight gain it back all the time - it's just a fact - so I'm wrapping my mind around the fact that it's a life-long deal and I'm trying to be okay with that.

One thing that I haven't added yet is exercise. I know it's coming, but I'm pretending that I don't need it for awhile. I figure to get a couple weeks under my belt of eating differently is a huge step so I'm trying not to overwhelm myself. After 2-3 weeks I'm sure I will begin to not lose without beginning to work out. I really want to try to make goals that are actually attainable. I tend to set these huge goals like, "I'm going to walk around Greenlake 5 days this week" and then when I do it once and feel like I'm going to die, I don't do it again...So, I think the first thing I will add is taking the dog for a little walk around the neighborhood each day - maybe 5 blocks and then add a block each week. I really want to be smart about this.

I would, however, love to run again someday. I used to be a runner - in college for one brief Summer and when I wasn't hating it, I loved it...it became a weird obsession. I would wake up and say to myself "I don't want to run today" and by 10am I'd be thinking "I have to run today". I had a running partner, ironically it was my mother, and that really helped - but now that I have two kids, a husband and a job - I think I would like the solitude of running alone...something to dream about.

Today is my daughter's birthday and we're going to Red Robin for dinner so I've preemptively gone on their website and figured out what I can eat to fit in my points...it's all about preparation...

Foods I'm Loving....

So, I've been at it for two days now! Yea me!! I'm only being half sarcastic because my track record of late has been so horrible that going for two days eating healthy is a miracle...So, I've decided to let you in on some WW approved foods that I'm loving, at least for these past two days...

1. Yogurt Fruit Smoothies: So, I take the grocery-store brand light yogurt - the cheap stuff - and I blend it up with a little 1% milk, various fruits - strawberries, 1/2 banana, blueberries - and some ice...and it becomes a yummy 3 point breakfast for snack that really fills me up. The great thing is that my kids love them too - it's a great way to get my son, especially, to eat fruit. I know it's nothing new and everyone makes these, but I'm loving them and let's just pretend I invented them...

2. Quaker Caramel Corn flavored "Quakes" - they are like little rice cake chips and they are fine by themselves, but - with a Tbls of Peanut Butter to dip them in - oh my! Yummy! Yesterday I had 7 Quakes with PB for a 3 point snack...so good!

3. Strangely, I'm loving cut up veggies with no dressing...I know, weird, right? And I'm sure it's just a passing phase but, each day at lunch I've eaten a zip-loc bag full of carrots, grape tomatoes, cucumber, peppers, and radish...great way to get all your veggies in and very filling!

4. Mint Chocolate Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwiches...enough said...I don't let myself have one unless I've had all my fruit and veggie servings...

I realize, again, it's only been two days but these little treats are saving my life right now and that's what its all about...one day at a time...

On the road again...

I keep thinking, this time will be different...it will, right? This time, I'll find that perfect formula and the will power to not lose 20 lbs and then give up and gain it all back, plus some. It's hard - anyone who says that losing weight is easy is a liar. Eating whatever you want to eat is just easier and a lot more fun. But I'm tired of that road.

So, I'm starting over....a fresh start....I'm not really talking about it yet with other people - other than this blog that no one reads anymore and The Man who is also on this journey. I find that when I bring other people on the road with me, I fuck it up even faster. Especially my mom. I love her, but we can't share this...too much history, too many diets as a child, too many "you're not going to eat that" looks...Last year, The Man and I were on WW and we were doing wonderfully. I had lost about 20 lbs and was still going strong. Then, we went to visit my parents and it all went to hell. My mom immediately got on the WW bandwagon and suddenly she and my dad were on WW too and she kept telling me how many points everything had and I never wanted a cheeseburger more in my life. I was back to high school hiding candy bars in my dresser...So, I'm not telling her this time and I really want to stick to that decision - but like a battered wife who continues to return to her abusive husband - I have to work hard to not let her into this part of my life. I don't need help sabotaging myself, believe me.

So, I joined WW again, on-line. I can't do the meetings, yet. Maybe at some point...but, people annoy me too much at those meetings...maybe once I have some success under my belt.

I'm weighing in at home on Fridays - this last Friday I weighted 265 - the most I've ever weighted. My goal weight is somewhere around 145 so that's 120lbs to lose! Crazy...and yet, somehow, today it seems possible. Maybe its the false high of one successful day down, but today it seems possible. And for now, that's enough.