Why, oh why do I do this to myself?

I'm fat...not just chubby. But chubby sounds nicer, I guess. I've been fat/chubby my whole life. At least as long as I can remember. I've been on one diet or anther, with patches in between of saying "what the hell...I'm eating whatever I want", for as long as I can remember.

By the time I hit high school, I had already been on dozens of diets. From counting calories to counting carbs, from the Vegetable soup diet to Nutrisystem. I even went to a nutritionist for awhile - I remember I called her the Witch Doctor. She gave me vitamin B shots and took me off sugar. I wonder if I'd been more athletic, would that have helped?

I'm now 37, a wife and mother of 2 young children....and I'm still fat. I've had some success with dieting in the past, but nothing that really "stuck". I wonder why? I was talking with a friend today and posed that question...I think that I'm looking for that "magic" thing that will flip the switch and I will forever not crave sugar or run to food when I need comfort...but, I fear that I am more like an alcoholic - my day is made up of little choices that add up...instead of just "One day at a time", its "One day, hour, minute, moment at a time". And to be honest, that kind of sucks.

I went to the doctor for the first time in over three years yesterday. I love my doctor, he is our whole family's doctor and he is kind and gentle with my children....he was kind and gentle with me too. I think he can see that I get it....he doesn't have to convince me that the extra 100 or so pounds that I carry around aren't good for me. He told me that I am basically a healthy person, no real concerns about blood pressure, sugar or heart issues...yet. But looking down the road 10 or 20 years, will it be the same? Probably not.

So, here I am, again starting something new, well something old. Good old fasioned Weight Watchers (WW). I've tried so many things before, will this work this time? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe if I treat it this time, not like a one time, quick fix...but a moment by moment decision to live a healthier life....so, here it goes.....248.8 this morning, here's to lower tomorrow!