Keepin' on...

So, I was down another pound today to 253, so that is 12 lbs total so far and I'm really happy with that. I haven't been following my eating plan exactly this week, but using the principals I've learned so far and making good choices. We even went out to Mexican food last night and I was still down this morning! So that is exciting. I can't wait to see what happens when I start walking the kids to school every day...I'm really happy about how I'm eating and the choices I'm making. I'm starting to feel stressed about some things in my life right now and that always makes me nervous. I tend to eat when I'm stressed. So, I'm trying to realize that and stop myself before I start eating out of stress. Its all about awareness....

Back on a Losing Streak....

I'm off the plateau and it feels good! I have now lost 11 lbs since I started, which is great. the better news is, I started my 4th week today and I haven't yet given up....which is something for me.

I had a rewarding "normal" eating day yesterday. We went out to lunch with some friends to this great pasta place...I was kind of nervous about it. I had eaten a breakfast of cherrios and fruit so I was really hungry for lunch. I ordered the chicken lasagna, which wasn't the lowest fat option, but better than the mac n cheese, which also looked really yummy. I ate what I wanted, until I was full, which was about 1/2 of my lasgana plus the bread that came with it. I was completely satisfied...we decided to take the kids to McDonalds for an ice cream cone afterwords and I decided that a cone sounded really good, so I had one...it was yummy...I wasn't hungry again until around 7:00, so I decided to eat my leftover lasagna which was so good...then for desert I had some sugar-free Rice pudding with some whipped cream - my new favorite treat! It was such a great day to realize that I can eat "normal" food sensibly - I'm thinking of setting up Sunday as a day to eat not whatever I want, but to splurge a little, just to keep me going.

After all that, I was down another pound today! Very exciting!!

Finally Down!

I was finally down today for the first time in over a week! I can't believe it...it feels like with cycles, water retention, etc that I have about 2 good, acutally weight losing weeks per month, which can be frustrating...But, I don't feel like quitting so that is good...I often wonder how smart it is to weigh every day. I know the "experts" say not too, but I have a hard time not...I think if I weigh only once per week, I expect that it should be a huge number and so I'm more disappointed if its only 1-2 lbs...I know, logically, that I have ups and downs from day to day so I don't build it up too much and I actually think I have less disappointment. I also read about a study recently that said that people who tend to be successful with weight loss in the long run, weigh every day because they are really on top of it if they start creeping up a few pounds...so for now, frustration or not, I'm going to keep weighing every day...just, fyi!

Week Three Begins...

I made it through Family Camp without much damage done...I actually did really well with eating at Family Camp...I ate dessert a couple of times, but didn't go crazy, watched my portions, was pretty active...what got me was last night when Mark decided that homemade chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn and gravy sounded good for dinner and he volunteered to make it all and I said "sure"! That, coupled with starting my period left me up a tiny bit this morning from last week, but I'm back on track this morning and that is really good for me...my normal pattern would be to do really well for a week or so, have something that derails me a little and end up throwing the whole thing out the door and I'm not doing that this time! I acutally was looking forward to getting back on my eating plan this morning, which was encouraging for me. I'm really happy with what I'm eating for the most part and that doesn't happen that often for me when dieting...so I'm off again! I would really like to lose 10 more lbs this month...we'll see if I can!

The Reality of Week Two Sets in...

I know that when dieting, you always lose quite a bit week one and then, week two hits...its frustrating because I still need encouragement from the scale this week - in fact, maybe more because some of the excitment and determination of week one is starting to fade. I keep reminding myself that even on the Biggest Loser almost all of them lose very little in week two, but so far, it hasn't been helping me. This, I guess, is where the rubber starts meeting the road...the first of those real decisions - am I going to really do this or just play at it? Do I really want to change my life or just lose 10 lbs only to gain back 20 lbs later and keep going up and up? If week 2 feels like this, how is week 22 going to feel?

I have to keep going, I have no other choice, it has to be different this time...this is the mantra I repeat to myself as the scale stays the same three days in a row. And as this is more my normal mode of weight loss, not the 1-2 lbs per day of week one...I need to just buck up and get used to it...I have to keep going, I have no other choise, it has to be different this time...

On to week two...

So I ended up losing a full 7 lbs the first week of this journey, which I am really excited about. I was up about 1/2 lb this morning, we had company last night and I did really well, but I think I ate a little more than I have been up to now...

So far, I haven't added much exercise but my goal is to work on that next week after family camp. I'm usually pretty active at family camp - swimming, walking distances from cabin to dining hall, working in the kitchen (which I end up doing more than I would like)...but anyway, a purposeful exercise routine will begin next week. I'm really excited for when the kids go back to school, for many reasons, but one big one is the natural exercise it produces of walking them to and from school. I'm setting a goal this year that unless it is pouring rain, we are going to walk to and from school, there is no reason not to now that they are going to the same place...and, if I do both drop-off and pick-up it is right at 2 miles, which is great.

I'm trying to psych myself up for family camp eating. I'm not going to try and follow my prescribed food plan but just concentrate on smaller portions and good food choices. Fruit over candy, veggies over chips, etc...my goal is to just not gain anything, and if I happen to lose a lb or two, even better! I decided last night that 1 mini-goal, beyond my ultimate weight goal of 145, is that I would like to be under 200 when I turn 40, which is February 23, 2010...I think it is possible, I have 6 months to lose 58 lbs....so we will see, but I think its a good goal. I've also toyed with the idea of a tattoo for my 40th, but we'll see if that pans out...:)

Almost One Week Down...

So, I was down 8 lbs this morning, which is great! But, I'm struggling a little this afternoon...I've told myself that at least for the first 30 days I'm going to try and follow the meal plans laid out by the 50 million pound challenge as closely as possible and so far it seems to be working really well. Its really not boring, there is a lot of variety, I'm normally not hungry ever...the veggie burger didn't go very well - I just don't think I'm a veggie burger kind of gal...but otherwise, its been great. But today, for some reason is a really low protein day. I had cherrios and a piece of fruit for breakfast, a salad with lo-fat dressing for my second meal and my third meal is supposed to be veggies with brown rice. So, not a lot of protein so far - the milk in the cherrios is about it...plus, I drank way more coffee at church this morning than normal and it has all left me a little shaky, but not hungry which is weird...I'm thinking a sugar free pudding for a snack this afternoon and the spaghetti for dinner will help immensly - if I can just make it to then.

I had a birthday party for the bff this weekend and I did really well...I was asked to bring my famous, at least in my own mind, caramel/toasted almond cupcakes which I was happy to do. But, let me tell you, these cupcakes have the best brown sugar buttercream on them that I have ever tasted, I love this stuff and I love cupcakes like you wouldn't believe. I can give you an in-depth analysis of the two major cupcake bakeries in the greater Seattle area - waxing poetically about the frosting vs. cake ratio, which is moistest, who's buttercream has the best texture...I'm an expert. So, it was a little difficult...I did have a few fingerfulls of cake batter and frosting as I was baking, I'm not going to lie and I had one bite of another cupcake at the party but that was all....which is a huge victory for me. I made sure that I had a satisfying, filling dinner, which helped immensly. I would love to get to the point that I don't have to be so vigilant with myself about having one cupcake, etc...but for now, I need to make it through this initial 30 days and remain successful. I'm not sure what the key is to long term weight loss success. I think different things work for different people. I do think you just have to do it...that is the key. Pick something and stick with it, which is what I'm trying to do...

Baggage...

I have baggage about weight loss/dieting, this is something that people who know me already know...I was put on my first diet when I was about 9 years old and after that was on a succession of one diet after another for the next 15 years or so. I remember counting carbs way before it was popular - back the first time Atkins was popular...I went to Nutrisystem when I was in Jr High...I even went to this lady for awhile that I called the "witch doctor" who took me off all sugar and gave me vitamin B injections I was in 9th grade I think...then later in high school I met with a nutritional counselor who was also supposed to help me with my issues with my mom - yes, surprisingly, by then, I had issues with my mom! :) During one break from college, I went on Medifast and started running which was the first time I reached any sort of goal weight, but quickly gained it back when I returned to college and lost my running partner (who was my mom).

My whole life, every bit of food in my house was monitored. The cookies were hidden, candy was a rare treat - this led to me eating and hiding food. To make things even crazier, my brother was underweight, which I know in Jr. High was a big thing, so while I was drinking Slim-Fast, he was making 1,000 calorie high protein shakes. I was given bribes to lose weight...if you get down to your goal weight, we'll buy you a convertible VW Rabbit...my dream car at the time. I was told I would make $10 for every pound I lost. That would work for anyone, right? Not me...

The funny thing is, when I look back at pictures, I really wasn't fat. I was that kid who was a little bit chubbier than her friends, but not fat. I wasn't athletic at all, I naturally gravitated towards crafts and non-active hobbies. I honestly don't know what I would have done if I were my parents, I know I wouldn't repeat the same mistakes, but hind-sight and all...

My mom and I have worked out our issues, although if she knew anything about this blog, I wouldn't be writing this...but they were issues about things like unconditional love, acceptance and approval - which are still hard for me to understand and this baggage effects not only my dieting but my marriage and other relationships.

I started thinking about all of this again because my mother in law came over yesterday and my husband had told her that I had lost 5 lbs and she was so excited and overly joyful, in my opinion and I had such a weird reaction to it. I got this feeling of rebellion, I needed also to downplay it as much as possible and make it into no big deal. Part of it is because she's just a different personality than I am, I prefer not to make a big deal of things, but the other part is because of the baggage of a mother figure encouraging me to lose weight. Its weird when you think you have something dealt with and then it smacks you in the face once again...

This morning I was down 7 lbs...but for now, I'm not sharing this info with either moms...

5 pounds down, 115 to go...

Yep, I'm down 5 lbs so far this week, which is great...now, I know since I'm ginormous, these lbs at the beginning will drop faster and I had only recently jumped up above 260 so...who cares? 5lbs is 5lbs and I'm excited! More than the weight, I feel focused and determined and that is a good feeling. I ate turkey bacon yesterday morning for breakfast! I don't eat turkey bacon, turkey bacon is not in my vocabulary...but you know what? It's not bad....and today....wait for it...I'm having a veggie burger for dinner! I didn't think that would ever happen - I'll let you know tomorrow how it goes...

Anyway, I'm not hungry - I feel good, energized - must be all the fruits and veggies! :)

Day 3, going strong...

So, I've lost 3 lbs since Monday, which is pretty good...I'm hoping I'll drop pretty quickly down to around 250 since I had been there for quite awhile and have just recently jumped up into the 260's...that is so depressing...I remember in college, when I reached 175 how mortified I was. I went on Medifast for a summer and dropped down to 145 which is my current goal weight, I was running every day, biking, shopping for size 8's - I don't think I really appreciated it and how it felt...well, let me tell you, I will this time and I am going to make it there, if it kills me!

I've felt pretty good so far this week, the biggest thing has been being able to eat all the food I'm supposed to be eating. Four "small" meals and two snacks with lots of veggies and fruit is actually a lot of bulk and I definately haven't been hungry, which is good. I felt a little weird yesterday, but, I'm guessing my body is going through lack of sugar shock and I haven't had diet soda for three days which has got to be confusing to my system..oh well, I'm still going strong!

Hello Old Friend....its Me AGAIN...

Yep, I'm back...back out of control, back up to 265 lbs, back eating whatever I want and sitting on my ass all day...Well, that changes today. I'm back on track, I have to do something. I feel like my life is passing me by and I'm not truly living it because I'm stuck in this fat-suit. I want more for myself, I want to have confidence and achieve something and how better to do that than do drop 120 lbs...plus, I want to watch my kids grow up and not have a heart attack or bad knees or be an embarrassment to them...my life needs to be different.

Still Going Strong....

As of today, I've lost 11.2 lbs - which is awesome to me - but even greater is the fact that I'm still going strong. Since last week, I've walked with my kids to school whenever I was taking them - well, except for yesterday because I had to be back to watch the innaguration. I'm really proud of myself, I honestly feel like I've turned a corner - which every time I say that it comes back to bite me in the ass so I am working hard to make sure that this is a true change in my life.

I have an appointment at Curves today. I've wanted to join some sort of gym for awhile. I don't know that Curves is for me but we'll see...so until next time...cheers!

Hoofin' it all the way...

So, I set a goal this week to walk my kids to school anytime I was the one taking them and as long as it wasn't pouring rain...So far this week I've taken them every day (with the exception of one pick-up trip) and haven't used my car yet! Now, for full disclosure, it is 5 blocks to my son's school and 4 blocks to my daughters...but with trips both ways, I end up walking about 70 minutes every day when I do all the trips which is pretty good for me...obviously I walk a little slow at this point, but I'm walking...

I found a great resource on-line its: www.50millionpound.com Its completely free and has a weight tracker, activity log, even free menu plans if you want. I love things like that, I like to go to my computer each morning and log in my weight, keep track of how much I've walked, etc. I really like it. This morning I was down to 255....

One Week Down...

So, I've made it one week and what a week it was...flooded basement, trip to the hospital with my husband, car broken into...and still lost 7.5 pounds and I completely stuck to my food plan. My goal for the week is to walk my kids to school, whenever it is physically possible. Meaning, if I am not doing something else like working at Mosaic or it is not pouring down rain, I'm going to walk them - at least that is the goal...

One thing about our car being broken into is that it has forced me to walk them to two different schools, both ways today - that's a lot of steps...I need to find my pedometer....

Day two and counting....

So, I was down this morning to 263.9 so that's 1/2 a pound - which is great! I actually feel really good this morning. I guess actually eating vegetables, lean meats and drinking water instead of diet soda agrees with me. I haven't had any sugar since Sunday night (other than a little Cool Whip on some SF pudding) and I feel great about it...no cravings really - all is well...

Good to see you....

Yes, I am back after almost a year of debauchery....I am fatter than I've ever been. I weighed 264.4 this morning and I feel so depressed about it on one had and motivated to change on the other. I know its cliche to start a diet at New Year's but I'm doing it anyway....I really need my life to be different, I need more energy - I need to feel different and look different...so here's to 2009....it needs to be different....