This is a "before" picture and this is why I avoid cameras...this year before Christmas, my cousin was making a calendar for my Grandmother and wanted pictures of our whole family. I e-mailed him pictures of my kids, because they are the cutest kids in the world, hands down...but Mark and I, no. First of all, we didn't have any and neither of us wanted to pose for one, looking like we do. Its sad but true. This is something I want to change. I'm not saying that looks are all that important to me, but right now, I'm embarrassed by how I look. I don't want to be embarrassed anymore and as my kids get older, I don't want them to be embarrassed by me either.
Its a hard thing to admit - but Mark and I say it everytime we watch "The Biggest Loser" on TV - people are just more attractive when they are smaller. I'm blessed with a husband who loves me no matter what - but I want to feel better about myself and not just to feel better in general, although that will be nice, but to feel better about how I look too. To care about how I look for once - once I hit a certain weight, I think I somehow stopped caring about how I look. Some of that has to do with having small children and time, etc - but I think a big part of that is just me giving up and realizing that it doesn't matter anyway - no matter what I put on or how much make-up I wear, I'm not going to feel attractive.
So, I go to my first WW meeting tonight and I'm excited. I'm excited to have a friend to go with me, I'm excited to start exercising, I've already started eating better and feel better about that already - I'm excited to Require More of Myself! I'll post pictures periodically, maybe each month or so...hopefully by next Christmas I'll be proud to see myself in the family calendar!
PS - No, I am NOT pregnant in this picture - although I do weigh the same and I did on the day that I delivered each of my children...scary
2 comments:
Christa...found you thru Jen Zug...I am addicted to Biggest Loser. Anyway...I want to encourage you in your weight loss journey. I'm starting one too. I'm going to be (whisper) 40 this year and I've been wallowing in self-pity. It's an idol that God is seriously going to have to wrestle out of my hands and I have a feeling it's going to hurt. I would love to journey with you!!
Thanks Melissa...it is so hard, but something that I have to do..with 2 small children, a husband and all my other responsibilites - I don't have the energy to keep up with everything and I need things to be different. Thanks for the encouragement!
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