Tuesday, March 6, 2012

On the road again...

I keep thinking, this time will be different...it will, right? This time, I'll find that perfect formula and the will power to not lose 20 lbs and then give up and gain it all back, plus some. It's hard - anyone who says that losing weight is easy is a liar. Eating whatever you want to eat is just easier and a lot more fun. But I'm tired of that road.

So, I'm starting over....a fresh start....I'm not really talking about it yet with other people - other than this blog that no one reads anymore and The Man who is also on this journey. I find that when I bring other people on the road with me, I fuck it up even faster. Especially my mom. I love her, but we can't share this...too much history, too many diets as a child, too many "you're not going to eat that" looks...Last year, The Man and I were on WW and we were doing wonderfully. I had lost about 20 lbs and was still going strong. Then, we went to visit my parents and it all went to hell. My mom immediately got on the WW bandwagon and suddenly she and my dad were on WW too and she kept telling me how many points everything had and I never wanted a cheeseburger more in my life. I was back to high school hiding candy bars in my dresser...So, I'm not telling her this time and I really want to stick to that decision - but like a battered wife who continues to return to her abusive husband - I have to work hard to not let her into this part of my life. I don't need help sabotaging myself, believe me.

So, I joined WW again, on-line. I can't do the meetings, yet. Maybe at some point...but, people annoy me too much at those meetings...maybe once I have some success under my belt.

I'm weighing in at home on Fridays - this last Friday I weighted 265 - the most I've ever weighted. My goal weight is somewhere around 145 so that's 120lbs to lose! Crazy...and yet, somehow, today it seems possible. Maybe its the false high of one successful day down, but today it seems possible. And for now, that's enough.


AB. Figure it out. said...

Um, YOU. I guess I won't use your real name, so whatever. BUT, just so you know, you have at least one person reading your blog. I subscribed to it a long time ago, and was so happy when I checked my feed today to see you're back at it! Anyway--GOOD FOR YOU. And, I feel the same way about my mother. And, I joined WW three weeks ago. Last week was horrible b/c I was visiting my family in the middle of freaking Idaho and had no ability to log on and tally points--not even real cell phone service. My weigh-in is tomorrow and I'm terrified I've gained. I told the hubby I wasn't going to go, b/c I couldn't face it. But, after reading your blog, I think I can and will. Whatever, buck up! You've got a partner, and I've got some good recipes. We should talk/swap.

TheologyMom said...

I'm so glad you're reading AB - you can say my name :) - I don't really care if people know it here...just not telling people in my "real" life...because it seems to screw me up - I just realized I said the "f" word in this post though - I need to watch that if people are actually reading!! Thanks! How did the weigh in go??? I figured out who you are BTW! :)

AB said...

I thought the f-bomb drop was funny. I chuckled out loud. Not that what you were saying was funny, but b/c I totally identify.

Oh, and, I lost 2.6 pounds! I was astonished! I guess chasing kids for five days rather than sitting behind a desk actually makes a difference. Go me! :)